A love letter to my Philips Wake-up Light

You know what's easier than getting me to wake up? Raising the dead and the Titanic at the same damn time. You'd have thought that going to bed earlier each night, quitting bacon and using tech to adopt a healthier lifestyle would have altered that. But, no. The only thing that's been able to help has been Philips' Wake-up Light, which has been faithfully rousing me for the last eight years. But now that it's beginning to break down, it's time to deliver this only slightly preemptory eulogy.
You know what's easier than getting me to wake up? Raising the dead and the Titanic at the same damn time. You'd have thought that going to bed earlier each night, quitting bacon and using tech to adopt a healthier lifestyle would have altered that. But, no. The only thing that's been able to help has been Philips' Wake-up Light, which has been faithfully rousing me for the last eight years. But now that it's beginning to break down, it's time to deliver this only slightly preemptory eulogy.
You know what's easier than getting me to wake up? Raising the dead and the Titanic at the same damn time. You'd have thought that going to bed earlier each

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